Thriving as an outsider

"You should be Grateful that she wants to work with you!"

The words of an angry, mediocre recruiter after I mentioned a salary increase. Disregard my reputation, work history, and the cost savings my work would generate. All that mattered was my audacity to ask for what I wanted. His job was to remind me of my place and weaponize gratitude.

Every time we are reminded of our place (subtly or not so), we internalize the message. We teach ourselves to stay small, speak less, and question our ambition. And yet, even under these internalized boundaries, we persist, innovate, and lead.

The Scripts We Inherit

The lessons we learned as children (to stay small, to speak less) don’t disappear in adulthood. They shape how we navigate work, decide what risks to take, and determine whether we step into opportunities that could advance our careers.

When I worked with employees who were transitioning from eliminated roles, I spoke with hundreds of Outsiders who operated for years (even decades) under the assumption that their hard work would speak for itself. They waited patiently for someone to say "Wow! You're amazing. I want to give you a promotion and a raise." But leaders respond to those who speak up, push for opportunities, make their contributions visible. That’s how progress happens and careers move forward.

For outsiders, this can feel uncomfortable. Were you taught that self-advocacy was arrogant? That asking for what you want was selfish? It’s time to flip that script. Thriving requires a mindset shift. Show your talents, ask for what you want, share your successes, build intentional relationships. These behaviors aren’t showy, unladylike, or dirty words. They are your right, and they are your power.

A leader once shared in a networking event that "If you're not asking for a promotion; I'm not thinking about you". This upset me… until I thought more about it. She had plenty of team members who added value, asked for more, and raised their hands to take on new challenges. These employees appeared to be driven and hungry for more. They kept asking. How can a leader see you if someone else keeps speaking up?

Think about it. How often have you stayed silent when you had the answer or waited to be recognized instead of naming your own wins? Each small act of self-advocacy builds courage for the bigger ones.”

Expanding the Circle of Influence

Thriving as an outsider isn’t just about building skills; it’s about finding and leaning on the right advocates. Mentors and sponsors play a crucial role in helping outsiders navigate the unseen rules of corporate life. Mentors provide guidance, perspective, and a sounding board for strategy, while sponsors actively open doors, advocate for opportunities, and create visibility for your work.

My own mentors and sponsors transformed frustration into strategy, showing me how to turn credibility earned in one space into influence in another. I’ve designed programs, built models, and shifted approaches simply because a trusted leader asked me to rethink something.

Each time an outsider reaches back to guide or advocate for someone else, we expand the circle of influence and shift ownership of systems that have traditionally excluded us. We can’t wait for validation from others; we create visibility for ourselves and lift others along the way.

Claiming Your Spotlight

I carried those lessons into building a visibility program for employees. The idea was simple: understand individual experiences and help people who were overlooked get the opportunities they deserved. The results were extraordinary. Within six months, 35% of participants were promoted, and another 8% took lateral moves to expand their skillset.

That’s the power of visibility. When outsiders are given structured opportunities to be seen, they don’t just rise, they transform organizations. Participants were skeptical at first, but those who took a chance-built networks and gained opportunities. Leaders learned what it means to truly see and support talent. Visibility isn’t vanity… it’s possibility.”

Companies miss this when they treat inclusion like charity. I saw firsthand how creating visibility not only advanced others but strengthened my own ability to lead and advocate for change.

Leadership Rising

Thriving means moving beyond keeping your head down and delivering great work. It’s time to take concrete actions that showcase your skills, claim opportunities, and create impact that extends beyond your role. For outsiders, real thriving happens when we use our hard-won skills to reshape the system itself.

What does thriving look like for you? Is it being promoted? Starting a new initiative? Mentoring others? The answer may change over time, but it starts with owning your voice and your story. The most important question you can answer for yourself, right now, is: What do you want/need?

That question continues to open doors—not just for my company, but for how organizations think about empathy in action.

The Last Word

My Auntie says “everyone has something to teach you; either what TO do, or what NOT to do”. The recruiter who tried to diminish me was definitely a NOT. His attempt to gatekeep fueled me to open doors.

Thriving is a choice you get to make. One moment of courage at a time. One request. One introduction. One story told out loud.

Because we do belong. And when we thrive, we don’t just change our own lives, we change the future of leadership.

Your Call to Action: Start Thriving Today

Thriving is a practice. Simple choices signal to yourself and others that you are rising. Try these steps this week…

• Speak up in every room you enter. A question. A perspective. Your expertise deserves airtime.

• Track your wins. Keep a record of results, praise, and progress so you always have receipts.

• Ask for what you want. A raised hand is powerful. Make your goals known.

• Strengthen relationships on purpose. Reach out. Follow up. Let people see your brilliance.

• Own your value in the moment. Accept credit. Say thank you. Stand fully in your contribution.

• Make space for others. Share opportunities. Invite someone in. That is leadership.

• Define what thriving looks like for you. Not survival. Not invisibility. Write your vision and take one bold step toward it right now.

You deserve to be seen.

You do not need permission to lead.

You decide. And when you decide, the room shifts.

When you rise, we all rise.