Imposter Syndrome: Myth Busted

“Imposter Syndrome is a psychological phenomenon where an individual doubts their abilities, despite having achieved success, and has feelings of inadequacy and a persistent fear of being exposed as a fraud.”

In this fake it-until-you-make-it world, Imposter Syndrome can affect anyone but is often reported to be more prevalent among women. Gender bias and prevailing beliefs, perfectionism which is generally self-induced, and work vs. life pressures all contribute to this overwhelming feeling of inadequacy.

Let’s break it down. Logically, we know imposter syndrome is not uncommon and it doesn’t reflect an individual’s true abilities or worth, but we still internalize what society spoon-feeds us. It’s a head game, a mindset of our own abilities. Women face a stereotype threat that we need to be the ones taking care of our home, our kids, our careers, our parents, and on the back burner, ourselves. We set high standards and sometimes unrealistic expectations for ourselves and others. We fight isolation due to the lack of female representation and recognition in certain career areas. And when we don’t feel accepted for our education, work ethics, or life experiences we feel guilty when pursuing advancements in our personal and professional success. All of this is suffocating, yet it is normal, if not tolerable.

Fear of being judged by my peers is my trigger for Imposter Syndrome. But I know people’s comments, thoughts, or judgements have much more to do with themselves than with me. Personally, I live by The Four Agreements. I have them posted on my office wall and in my day-timer. They are principles my father taught me long before Don Miguel Ruiz’s book came out in the late 90s.

• Be impeccable with your word.

• Don’t take anything personally.

• Don’t make assumptions.

• Always do your best.

Humbly remembering to not take anything personally keeps me out of a lot of negative self-talk. Read those four agreements out loud, again. Be impeccable with your word. Don’t take anything personally. Don’t make assumptions. Always do your best.

Think about it. If you always act on them and through them, you can go to sleep guilt free. (And who doesn’t need more and better sleep?) If throughout your day you are careful with your words and actions, empathize (note I didn’t say accept) and forgive along the way, and always do your best. Could you do anything any better? What could you have done differently? Nothing if you led your day with those values.My son is an actor and goes to auditions constantly. If he knows he did his best and didn’t get the part he was trying out for, there was nothing more he could have done. He did best. But if he screwed something up in the auditions and he didn’t get the part, that was hard on him. All the “what ifs”, and “should haves” would keep him from sleeping. Lesson: live your day with intention so you can sleep at night.

So, other than living by those rules, what can you do about it? First recognize your self-doubt is fueled by the external. You know you are doing the right things to achieve your goals. So, greet your self-doubt with a smile and a hug, talk to a trusted-someone who will slap you upside the head and knock out those silly ideas, reframe your negative thoughts by replacing them with well-earned wine and roses, and celebrate your achievements with a gold star sticker in your datebook or on your refrigerator door for all to see.

Another thought to leave you with, first read the definition again. “Imposter Syndrome is a psychological phenomenon where an individual doubts their abilities, despite having achieved success and has feelings of inadequacy, and a persistent fear of being exposed as a fraud.”

Therefore, if you claim you have imposter syndrome, then by definition, you have had to “achieved success” for you to feel like a fraud. Right? So, know that you can’t have imposter syndrome if you haven’t already put in the work, obtained something judge worthy, or earned the accolades you deserve.