The Journey to You

As you begin to think about resolutions for the new year, it seems so easy when you look at the accomplishments of others. And yet, you have not made it out of the starting block. You think to yourself that something is wrong with you. Your destiny is to be right where you are; you deserve this. My answer to you is not so.

When talking to a person I was coaching, I noticed one thing in their conversation: It was all about what someone had done to them. As I continued to listen, I recognized a sound that was so familiar. The sound of pain, not being heard, mishandled, and seen as insignificant and just downright violated of rights, dignity, and being.

How do you address a person whose spirit is "temporarily broken" into so many pieces that they don't see a way to overcome the hurt? Frankly, after hearing all the stuff that has occurred, I began to question, "Is there any help for the broken?" When a person has a broken spirit, their ability to find something to hold on to is bleak. They feel there is no way out except to step into a space outside the composure they so desperately try to hang on to. As this conversation continued, I was searching for that one coaching moment to give this person hope—a silver lining to go after. I noticed something this person was trying to hold on to (and we all do this in some form), which continued to take them down this path of hurt and frustration. Why? There was nothing in their present level of power or capacity they could do to change the situation. We have all gone down this road. We find ourselves stuck in a cycle of wanting to fix the problem, but fixing it requires entry back into the insanity of the relationships or family chaos that we were trying to avoid.

Then it happened: I heard something in their speech I could run with to help relieve the pain and shift their mindset. As a transformational coach, I help you change from being in a place that is not providing you any level of peace or well-being and assist you in finding what you have lost: purpose. I made this statement; "you have to work smarter and not harder to reach your goal."

I have heard this in the business field many times and always think of people looking for shortcuts or cheating. In coaching, the only "smart" work is shifting how you perceive a situation and acquiring a new understanding of what you are working with. When dealing with a toxic relationship, like on an airplane, you must put a mask on yourself before assisting anyone else. You have to take care of yourself and recognize your options. And when you go deep, you may have to leave behind things you perceived as essential to your survival. And tap into some hidden treasures within yourself for protection. You will find that what you perceive as life-sustaining to you is not. You feel a release of pressure once you make the move. One of my mentors and friend asked me, "How do you show up authentically while protecting yourself"? This question is something that I consciously assess when I encounter a toxic or potentially harmful situation. Do I go back to old behaviors or proceed to the new way of responding? The latter is more challenging, but if you are on the road to transforming and finding peace within, it's the road to take with your eyes closed on that first step.

Becoming the person you desire or reinventing yourself is a self-reflective journey. You may believe that you will be okay if you only get away from or remove yourself. However, in the process, ask yourself how did I get here? What decisions did I make that caused me to believe this was a "good" space to be in? Where was I emotionally? Sometimes, you can be in a "space" where your "picker" is turned off, and you don't even know it—walking around numb to what is around you that you fail to see the "devil in disguise." Making change takes time. The small steps mean more because it's a step. You did something different that will take you on a different path.

At the end of our conversation, they recognized that they had more options than they thought. Developing a different perspective about their situation sets them on a path of change. The moral of this story is that seeking to make a change in your life requires personal reflection of your actions and thoughts. The journey to you can happen.